I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Randomize
