Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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