It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
