I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
