420 ftw
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
