You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you win again, gameday.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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