question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
