Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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