I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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