I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
