I need to stop coming to work sober
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
