im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
