there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
