I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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