It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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