Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
