if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
