In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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