every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
