im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
