she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
