i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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