she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
