Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
