I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
