the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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