I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
