Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
