i was born a porn star she said
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
