girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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