There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
