Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
