Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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