I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
