oh god the rape fog is back!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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