I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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