You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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