he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
