508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
