I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
