Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
