Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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