god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
