Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
