I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
