So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
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And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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