Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
