One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
