Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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