kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
