he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
