Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
