She is in my trunk
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
