I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
