I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
