So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
