My liver just broke up with me...
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
