i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize