Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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