I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
