I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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