There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
