Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
